fear, protection, stop

I’ve only ever mentioned it in this video https://youtu.be/V5JcSK3HxWw but I’ll never truly feel ready to go into detail about what really happened that night on my Youtube channel. Just a warning that I’m no English major so sorry if it goes off into little tangents or doesn’t make sense but feel free to ask questions and I’ll clear things up. Some names have been changed to protect the innocent.

I was 18 at the time and I got accepted into university. That same day me and my then-boyfriend got into a fight and I decided to have a few drinks with my cousin, Becky*, her ex boyfriend whom she had a child with, Eugene, his housemate, Ken, and the neighbor, Hadley*.

Sounds like a safe scenario right? WRONG. Around that night we were all playing drinking games and I thought I was having a ball in my best t-shirt, without my boyfriend, and this only being the 2nd night I’d gone out (since I’d moved out cos of family issues and only went to school, work, sports, and school clubs and the first night was to go to my cousins birthday). I noticed that Ken kept staring at me that whole night but I never tried anything and Becky* told me to stay away from him cos he’d sleep with anyone, including Hadley*. I wasn’t gonna cos I wasn’t gonna sleep with a guy cos of a disagreement with my boyfriend.

It got late and Becky* asked if I wanted to stay at dad’s house while he was away or sleep in the spare room.

I told her I’d feel alot safer if I slept in the same room as her and Eugene since I always got a creepy vibe in that spare room since it was small, cold, and cramped. (My half sister used to have that house before my cousin got it and it used to be my half sisters room..that was also where I watched The Exorcist) and I didn’t feel safe sleeping all alone at my dads house. Ken and Hadley* slept on the couch. I noticed Ken kept following me around and making derogatory remarks.

Later on in the night, Ken starts licking and sucking my feet and toes and tries to move up. I’m paralyzed with fear because I’ve only had one incident where I’ve almost gotten raped (again, that first time I thought I was in a safe environment with family). He tries to move up my leg and I pretend I’m trying to toss and turn and cover up the zipper of my pants but he forcefully and quietly moves my hand away, and goes back to sucking and licking my feet and eventually goes back to Hadley* and I hear her giggling.

I prepare myself for the worst and think if he comes back in here, I’ll wake my cousin up. Of course, he comes back in and I nudge, shove, and shake my cousins arm quietly (fearing Ken would do something violent if he found out) and it turned out to be Eugene’s, he grabs my hand and I squeeze it tightly, once again, tossing and turning so Ken doesn’t travel up any further than my feet.

Eugene apologizes when Ken leaves and I tell him why he didn’t do anything and he feels guilty .. maybe it was because Ken was bigger than him and he was under the influence of drugs (I didn’t know he did crystal meth until later) but Eugene said he’d say something if he came back in… yup, he did and Eugene asks, “What the FUCK are you doing in my room?” and Ken nervously musters up and “Ah, oh sorry…and quickly walks off…”

This is now in the break of dawn and Eugene profusely apologizes when I told him he could’ve woken up Becky*. Then, Eugene grabs my hand and I feel something erect and pull my hand away, he tries it again and I move my hand away and tell him I gotta go back to my house.

I take the longest shower of my life but even then I couldn’t wash how disgusting I felt and walked back home. I’m greeted with why it was my fault and I should have never left a fight or argument unfinished with my boyfriend with his mum. I burst out crying and tell her everything and for the first time, she hugs me. They call the police and report both of them and I never went to work that day. Around then, Ken decides to quickly move the fuck out.

Eugene and Becky* are confused and I asked my cousin, “If I wasn’t touching what I think it was.. what the fuck was I touching then that was so important, I had to remove my hand away TWICE.” Eugene wanted to talk to me one on one but I refused. 2 weeks and 2 days later, he hangs himself and writes a letter to my cousin. I had no idea and was actually at my dads house at the time after another argument with my boyfriend (Eugene only lives next door). His workmates actually found him after he didn’t show up for 2-3 days.

My dad tricked me into going to Thailand and said that it was my fault I almost got raped and he drugged me (I’ll never know if this is true). Against my will, the Rotorua police decided to drop the charges since I was in another country. That was 7 years ago and I gotta say, Ken does a damn good job at hiding his tracks. While I was writing this story, I did manage to find his Facebook https://www.facebook.com/kenneth.robertsniania please do NOT mention that you found this story out of respect of my family and in case he finds my Youtube channel or Facebook and intends to hurt me. If you do, you’re giving the perpetrator fuel and it’s just as bad. I’m living in another country but I’m still terrified of him in some ways if he can get away with it once.

I feel this sickening and horrifying sense of guilt about Eugene since I was the one that reported him, and I was the one responsible for his death. He was my nieces father and I love her so much but I’ll always be reminded for taking her dad away from her. Here is his Facebook https://www.facebook.com/eugene.aramoana?fref=ts the worst has already been done to him so don’t try anything malicious.

A few months later into 2010, I’m on a visit to NZ I find out the day we all met Ken, he was staring at Becky* and one day while she was sleeping in the same bed with Eugene, he was just staring at her when she woke up, she got lucky.

I have to wonder how much worse the situation would’ve gotten if I’d just slept in the spare room or went back to my house all alone.

The moral of this story is, no matter how safe or careful you are in an environment. You can never be so sure. And people you think you can trust, it can be turned around in a heartbeat.

Story By:

Rondache Warrior

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